I have no clever title for this one

This is all probably going to be gibberish and not make much sense
But here I go...

I fucked up
I am fucked up
There's not much I can really do about whats going on in my life
And I am not too sure why I have a tendency to make bad things worse
I often times just don't know what to say and then I don't say enough which can make people angry or upset with me
Which I don't like at all

I get that I'm not perfect
And I know that neither was he
But it was just so hard being me and him without really being me and him
When someone that you love is in pain and their pissed and upset and there is really nothing you can do
What do you say?
I said that things get worse before they get better
What I wanted to say was that I love him and that no matter what I am here
But how was I supposed to say that? I didn't want to be pushed away anymore
Or to put him in an awkward situation
Its just so hard to know what I am or who I am to him anymore
I want to be the one there for him always
But I don't even know what he wants
And it causes me to say stupid shit that I really don't mean but I think about for a second and I just get more and more negative every moment I don't know whats going on

Just nothing has gone right
And I fucking hate it
I just want me and him happy again...

Maybe I should just realize that his happiness probably doesn't have me in it
I just feel so shitty for ruining everything...