"there's so many things that I could say, but i'm sure it would come out all wrong..."

Its really dumb for me to feel this way

Because I know I really don't have to

He broke up with me, right?

So why do I care if it seems like he's flirting with his god-awful ex.

She puts the "her" in "herpes"

I am not a jealous person

I am just a furious protector of things that I believe should be mine

So basically I am jealous

It doesn't really hurt that he's talking to her

It just hurts knowing that apparently they have hung out

And by the way they were talking... obviously she still has feelings for him

And it almost felt like he does for her too...

Which doesn't feel good at all

Its really dumb that she can't just leave him alone

I mean... hasn't she hurt him enough?

I mean I know I wasn't perfect with him

I know that I have hurt him in some sort of ways

But I know I was not a stupid slut that kept cheating at every fucking second

And yet... I still feel like she's better than me somehow

And that totally sucks

I think the thing that hurts the worst is how bipolar me and his relationship seems to be

Yesterday things felt great, we were talking a lot more

Things seemed to be going back to normal, he even wanted to start watching "our" show together again

Which really meant a lot to me, because I missed that a lot.

I don't know... maybe my good morning text just set him off to not talk to me

I just really wasn't feeling good this morning and obviously, I'm still not feeling very good.

Or maybe he's hanging out with her...

I'm not sure what to think

I'm not sure what he really want to do

Or what this break means

It sometimes makes me feel like he's going to get back with her

Or maybe just do things with her

Because me and him are not together

Even though... I still want to be there for him the way I was

I mean I know that since we're on a break or whatever that it won't be exactly the same

I mean I doubt we'll say we love each other anymore

But what else does it mean?

No snuggles? No kisses? NO SEXX?! lol Just saying...

I'm just really not sure where my place is...

I mean I guess I should feel special that he still has our picture up on his profile...

But he did the same thing with her...

I just hope I'm not another Her

I want to be his again... it fucking sucks feeling like this

Having my thoughts and feelings just go up and down

Because I have no idea what he's thinking

And I am trying so hard to respect the time he wants away from me or us... or whatever he wants

Its just so hard...

I just hope I don't get forgotten... or replaced... or made to feel stupid in the end

I am just so afraid...