"i am cursed with these hands, they will never understand"

I know I said I was going to be stronger
And this blog really isn't me complaining
But its just something I want to get off my chest

Today was good day
I mean it was short for me and him
But at least he was cuddly, which was awesome

It just kind of felt like a hit and run
And I know thats not his fault

Today was definitely better than last time we did though
Last time, all I could think about what the fact that he was hurting me emotionally
And that I didn't even understand what I was to him

I guess today I just put in my head that at least he hasn't just put me aside
And is using some other girl to do this with him
But at the same time, it feels a little messed up
I guess just because we didn't really get to hang out which was LAME

I'm hoping next weekend will be better
I'm hoping that each weekend will get better and better
And I hope that with that me and him will get better and better

I just don't want to be "just friends" with him forever
That would suck... soooo bad

I love him and care for him so much
And I know that sometimes I hide it because I feel like its protecting me
But I think in the long run, it hurts me more than anything else

I just miss hearing him say he loves me
I just miss the feeling that everything is going to be okay

I know for right now I just have to deal with things
And I really love that he still kisses me and is a huge dork around me
Even if we aren't still together
It means a lot that he still opens up to me when I'm around him

I just wish things could be different
I wish things would go back to how they were
We were so inseparable
So in love
So ready to take on the world together

I'm just so curious as to what happened...

I guess I just have to hold my ground and hope for the best
Thats really all I can do.