To ______; From Alex

You’re probably never going to read this

I guess I’m only typing this for therapeutic reasons

Its very interesting to think that it was supposed to be our 1 yr anniversary

A couple days ago that is

This might be the last blog I ever write for you

Well more about you than anything else

I’ve missed a lot of school, as you know

And I act a certain way around you because I don’t want to seem like I miss you

I know that I try to act all tough

But I really am weak without you

This isn’t a blog to tell you to come back to me

Its just a way for me to get my feelings out

Without having to write in my god-awful diary

Sometimes its easier to type it all out

While listening to music that kind of makes you want to tear up

You know how I am…

That’s another thing

Crying…

It seems to have gotten worse each day

The guy that I’ve been trying to see is kind of making me feel better

But I still know I am going to shoot right back once I see you on Monday

It seems bloody ridiculous to cry over something that has ending because of my doing

I mean… I think we both knew this day would come

We should have prayed that it wouldn’t

It seems like me and you lie about a lot of things to each other
To your face I’d tell you that I missed the 17^th because of me being sick

But if you reached into my cold heart you would know it was a lie

The 17^th would have been our one year

Kind of makes me tear up to hear it, well type it

I guess even after all that is said and done, I will never really…

Stop loving you

In any sort of way

I will always need you

Oh god…I’m beginning to cry now

I remember you used to tell me that people who shun away their feeling are the weak ones

But I always feel weak when I cry

Especially about you

Mostly because I know that I was the wicked one in our relationship

I know that I was the one who started the fights

And if I didn’t start them I made then accelerate

I never meant to be like that to you

I told you love is a curse for me

I don’t really think I am allowed to love anyone truly

There is so much that I never really pour out to anyone

Like…

I don’t like making plans about the future with people because I know they will be ruined

I don’t like holding hands in public because I feel like everyone is staring

I actually don’t like being alone…ever

And I especially hate crying and talking about my feelings

And when I do talk about them

I usually spit lies because I don’t know how to express myself

It’s pretty hard living without you now

But I’m trying to be strong

For the both of us

I don’t like it…

But I know we need this time apart

And if we do get back together

We need not think about our past

I don’t really want to say this

But…

I love you, with all my heart

And I wouldn’t be crying like a baby if I was lying

I do love you

I’m pretty sure I always have

And I know I always will

I’m just sorry that I’ve cause you so much pain

And that I am wicked…

I love you

And I hope you never forget me

All my love, always and forever

- “Kat”