To be honest...

My boyfriend brought a lot of things to my attention and i realized... I am really really depressed and I dont know what to do about it. I feel like i can't talk to anyone because I dont feel like they care or they'll tell me something I dont want to hear or that i'll be bumming them out or something. I'm just really afraid to be open with anyone and to actually confide in people. I'm never too sure how to talk to people anymore, which is really sad because I used to be really happy and pretty open with people. I didnt lie as much as i do now, and i felt like i had people to really confide in and now I lost them. 

I've been realizing more and more that I really miss high school and that I wish i could do it over again so I could do better and be more appreciative of the time i spent there and people i spent it with. 

I just feel really lost and alone and I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I just feel really depressed and I dont feel like i'm ever going to be happy again.

I just feel like i'm going to keep spiraling down into depression and continue to mistreat myself and the people around me.

I don't know where to go for help

I don't know what to say or what to do anymore.

Lol ooooh bitch, i'm not as stupid as you think

You must think i'm really dumb

You think that i dont know?

Psh...

You can yell at me all you want about me doin this and me doin that

But you are doing the exact same thing and probably even worse

You just think you are better at hiding it, but you arent

I know that you think you are clever, but you're not. I know you think you are smarter than me but you're not.

Now it all makes sense as to why you keep taking me back or keep chasing me... Because you know you are wrong, obviously, but you are just too damn stupid to really and actually change anything.

God i wish i could be as ignorant as you, thinkin i'm always right and such bullshit.

But i cant because unlike you, I actually have a conscience. 

Exs

I dont know if its just something i do to then but fuck, if me and another person stop dating, they just turn into a total dick.

Even people who i've known to be the sweetest people ever just flip into completely different people.

My most recent ex and i, we had a pretty civil breakup... I told him i'd forever care about him, but obviously i'm the only one because he deleted me everywhere and he's been talking shit 

I guess my gramma was right, you never really know anybody.

Its sad really.

Especially because I am the worst person to have as an enemy... I figured out of all people in the world, my exs would know that.

I should have known his whole act was a lie... I guess i'm always going to feel stupid for trusting and believing in people.

Piece of advice

When you r in a relationship, your freedom of speech is totally taken over.

Just remember that before you want to have a girlfriend or boyfriend