You say...

You say you've dated sluts, psycho paths, and liars and you wanted to put me right in there with them and fine do it, i really dont care. But, i was never like that before you. I was actually very smart, very sweet and very determined to make a difference. 

I've known for awhile that i didnt deserve the bullshit you put me through

And now i know for sure that i dont

I also know that you brought out the worst person in me and i will never forgive you for that

I dont know what we had, but i never want it again... Never.

The now

Now i dont have to care of think about his feelings no matter what i do

I plan on leaving tmrw to fremont hopefully this week going to chicago to stay forever

There are way cooler people there anyways, plus i'll actually get to live with my dad... And you know what they say. The only man a girl can depend on isnher daddy

Not some psycho-pathic jerk with a drugged out mother tryna get you 

 HA stupid cunts

I can't wait to leave

Have fun with all the STDs mister

I could have really changed for you, but you wouldnt for me

So i am DONE 

AND THATS A WRAP.

Goodnight ya'll

Life begins now

Ya know what i dont get

Him and his guy friends talk about all these slutty girls that they've been with

And a lot of his friends r with slutty girls but they are so whipped on their girlfriends 

And yet i am basically this perfect angel other than my anger problems and... He treats me like shit

I dont get it

Why cant he love me furreal

Do i hve to be a slut for him to love me?

Because if so... Then maybe me and him shouldnt be together

I cant do that

I'm like not like that

I dont get why he cant really love me... Like really an truly love me

Its unfair

Shouldn't it break your heart

I know whenever i see someone crying, i automatically feel sad.

I can literally cry for hours 

He will see it

And not care

No matter how mad i am at him, if i see him cry.. I will feel bad

He doesnt, he doesnt care

I honestly dont think he loves me

Whether it be anymore or at all... Maybe he never really loved me

Maybe he just needed some nookey... Needed someone who he knew would love him no matter what he did

Why am i such a sucker

I'm such a loser

I hate myself.

Barely trusted

I honestly am starting to trust him less and less.

He spends less time with me now.

He is always on his phone

When i get near him and he's texting someone, he exits out of it so quick

He tells me nothing is going on and that he just needs his phone for work

But what if he's lying

I try looking through his phone but he's always clinging to it so its hard to get to.

I want to trust him but he doesn't really show me things that make me able to trust him.

Yes he's bought me a bunch of gifts and is able to be very nice to me but... Sometimes i dont feel like thats enough.

I just hope i can shake this.

I am dating the biggest jerk

He yells at me over everything and anything

He takes his phone everwhere like its his baby

He snapchats with girls and wont really tell me who they are

He controls me all the time

And leaves me when i'm sick

I hate him

He only cares about his stupid self and i hate it

I'm sick of having him treat me like this...

Why cant he be sweet all the time

I feel like he only pretends to be sweet so he can get some

I'm sick of this

I'm sick of him

All i really want

I really feel like life has become an enemy of mine.

I feel like i literally get the middle finger from God all the time.

I'm so sick of the bullshit i am constantly dealt. I dont deserve it and i dont need it.

Lets talk about true fairness...

A relationship is always about "in sickness and in health."

I dont care if thats a friendship, a dating relationship or a marriage.

No matter what, if you actually care about someone, you should want to take care of them and make sure they are always okay.

For example, lets say your boyfriend is getting mad at you over something that to you feels pretty small but he blows it up out of proportion and ends up making you feel like shit causing you to cry super hard for hours at your friends party. You can't say that you weren't wrong for what you did but you know that it didnt need to be handled the way it was. You end up spending a lot of the party by yourself trying so hard to stop crying but you're still shedding a few tears. It becomes close to 3am and your boyfriend comes stumbling over sloppy drunk. You ask your friend to help you walk home with your mentally incapacitated bf and you guys go on your way. You try to hold him up, to keep him quiet and to keep him out of harms way. When you get home, he continues to yell at you for God only knows what then he starts to make noises like he's gonna throw up. You rush him to the bathroom, let him throw up, make him food to help him feel better, keep giving him water to keep hydrated, change his clothes for him because he can't take them off or put them on himself and there is throw up all over it, then you lay him in bed and wait however long you need to till you know he's asleep.

All of that sounds pretty loving and caring, right?

But lets say you randomly feel sick, can't eat dinner, and all you want is some quiet darkness for your stomach to calm down but instead your bf gets mad at you for not eating a meal he prepared even though you helped with a lot of it as well and you keep telling him you feel sick but all he cares about is that you are not eating his food.

Or lets say something happens and you've been crying for hours and ypur boyfriend, who is always supposed to love you and care for you, just lets you lay there or sit there by yourself and let you continue to hurt.

I know i am not perfect and i know that i am not alwaya sensative or clearheaded... But i never stop taking care of the people i love. 

A little appreciation

I do a lot of things for him and i'm not saying he doesn't do anything ever for me, but i do a lot of things for him. 

He basically just sits on his ass all day and just clicks on things and calls that work... 

He undermines everything that i do as if i am barely human, as if everything that i know... Everything that i feel is meaningless, worthless, and useless.

I hate it. I hate is so much.

He pushes me farther and farther away from what i believed between us was love. 

I just want to be completely appreciated by him.

Once when he was drunk he told me that he doesn't deserve me... And he's right. He is absolutely right and i know that deep down he knows it too. He was speaking the truth when he was wasted but he will never admit it to me now.

I just want him to stop pushing me around. I am not below him... If anything, for all the shit he puts me through... I am way above him.

People constantly tell me that i deserve better and i believe them... But he has a hold on me.

Sometimes... Love truly sucks.

Control Freak

I've been a very independent woman my whole life and i've never tried to control anyone but now i am dating someone who tries to control every aspect of my life. He constantly controls me and always has to be right. He can never take responsibility for his actions or feel bad for anything that he does. He gets mad at me when i'm rude but he never sees what he does to me. He's such an arrogant prick and i don't get why he can never be nice. I thought when people are in love they need to also know how to be nice but iguess he doesnt know what to do... I wish he would be nice.