Christmas List?

Dear Santa,
What I want for Christmas the most is him.
You know who he is...
I just want him for myself because
I will never admit it because I don't believe in love,
but I definitely really like him.
Thank You and Happy Holidays

I Just Can't Breathe

I don’t really understand why I like you so much

There is just something about you

Maybe its your eyes, the way they sparkle and how even when you wear eyeliner they seem so deep and mysterious

Maybe it’s the way you speak, your voice seems so soft and it just floats on the air like a feather on a breezy day

Maybe it’s your touch, when you hug me I feel a great warmth or when our hands touch sometimes I feel sparks

Maybe it’s the way you care, even though you and I haven’t known each other for a long time, I can sense that there is some kind of strong bond between us

Even though for you it’s probably just a bond of friendship

I don’t really know…

Sometimes I feel like you give me these signals that you want to be with me

But then somehow she falls back into my mind so I try to push you away

When I was at your house yesterday I kept on scooting away and hiding in the corner because I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to hold your hand, I wanted you so bad

But I knew you had her

And I know that your so hung up on her that I’m really just one of those lame ole’ best friends that crushes on you and seems to be a huge dork

I don’t really know, I honestly have no idea how you think of me

Because our friend doesn’t tell me anything

And I don’t hang around your other friends

All I really know is that they’ve said that I’m a better choice for you

Which, no offense to her, I think I am

I mean… I’ve heard about how shitty she treats you

I heard that she hits you, whines all the time, is mean to your friends, does and says things behind your back, and ridicules you for really little things

Its ridiculous, if you ask me

And I know that if your reading this your probably thinking I’m jealous or whatever

But in reality, I kind of am but I wouldn’t let that effect our friendship

Like I’ve told oh so many people, I respect you and love you {I’m saying love as a friend} so I respect you and her’s relationship

It just kind of sucks to know that she cuddles with you, and kisses you, and does all those little couple things with you

I don’t even know really why I have feelings for you

Its really weird, when I first met you, I definitely thought you were cute

But then later I began to hate you because I found out about her

Then you and I became best friends

And then I don’t really know… my feeling just began to grow for you

It’s fucking weird…

But believe me dude, I try really hard to push my feeling away for you

I think yesterday I did a good job

Well until we went to you house and shared a blanket

It was a bit harder that way, because that was actually a really romantic moment

Well I guess…

I don’t really know

I guess I really shouldn’t make a big deal out of all of this

This post seems a bit pointless actually

Because I mean no matter what I’m going to like you

But I’m just going to be that dorky best friend that has a crush

But in reality, I’m going to be here for you no matter what

Mostly as a friend

I don’t really know about us dating anymore

Seems kind of weird when I actually think about it

I mean when you say that I’m beautiful or something

I usually smile, but I also begin to cry

Because even though you say it

I feel like its untrue

I mean maybe I am beautiful, but apparently not as beautiful as her

UGH! I hate that I just said that

Makes me sound like a loser

Well I guess I kind of am one

Haha. I mean what dork would seriously write down exactly how they feel like this

Most people would just say it by now

But I guess I really am not like most people

BLEH! Haha

Anyways, I’m going to stop typing now

Before I embarrass myself some more xD

Here’s someone who knows how to express feelings better than me { I Just Can’t Breathe by The Perfect Measure }

Being Single

It’s actually not that bad

I mean for a while I thought it was the worse thing in the whole wide world

But in reality its kind of fun

Yes I do have crushes on people

Even though most of them I know I wont actually be with

It’s okay though

I mean I still have great friends that I love with all my heart

And I’m still going to a good school

The school is only good because of my friends though lol

There are some guys that I do have a crush on though

I do have a crush on one of my exs

I have a crush on two of my best friends {btw if you go to my school, you don’t know them}

And I still have a crush on this guy who I know is a total jerk

But I can’t help but to like him still

It’s not that terrible though

I mean, I think having crushes keeps your heart pumping

But it’s still kind of sucks to think that they probably don’t like you back

But it’s okay.

My dreams keep me alive and well

It’s weird though.

I’m actually kind of happier now that I’m single

I mean, yes, I do still think about her

And I still miss her sometimes

I still have a hard time listening to some songs because of her

But in reality, I think I’m going to be okay

I’m not saying like is better without her

But I’m just really hoping that I’m going to be okay

I’m mostly happy with my friends that I have right now

Like Violet, Erica, Angele, Jason, Erik, Andrea, Danii, Chris, Robbie…and I don’t really know who else I missed

I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss anyone

Lol if I did I’d be a terrible friend then hahaha

But I love my friends a lot

And they mean more to me than anything else in the world

So I’m happy with my life right now

:D